A Narrative for the Ages
by Axolotlabulous
Summary: [Crack Warning] In which Axel spins a bewiching tale of naïveté and ignorance, Roxas is unappreciative and rams a chakram over his head, and Larxene is just there, killing a toaster. [AkuRoku if you squint realrealrealrealreal hard]


No idea what possessed me to write this. I just really wanted to write a KH2 fic, and my weird mind comes up with this. It's not even that good. All I knew was that I wanted Axel's chakram rammed over his head. AkuRoku if you squint realrealrealrealrealreal hard.

_**Disclaimer:**_ I own naught but a storyline, a composition book, and myself. That really sucks.

_**A Narrative for the Ages**_

_A really bad piece of crack written and brought to you by Axolotl._

Once upon a time, there was a really ugly duckling.

All the other pretty beautiful ducklings teased and taunted him and said he was too ugly to be a living thing. He just shrugged it off and thought, Those poor fools of water fowls, they should know that now I may be unsightly, but when I grow up, I'm gonna be a swan. When he told his mother duck and father duck his theory, they just smiled awkwardly and said, "Sure, whatever." Some time passed and the ugly duckling grew up.

It turned out he wasn't a swan, but just a really ugly duck.

Axel finished his story with a flourish that only he could provide, and said oh-so-haughtily to one unimpressed Roxas, "Well, what did you think?"

"Your story telling skills suck," Roxas deadpanned.

Axel's jade colored eyes filled with mock tears (since we all know that nobodies can't cry) and he crouched in the emo corner; the hood of his super special awesome black leather Organization XIII over his spiky crimson locks. He sniffed and whined, "But-but-but! You're supposed to be my bestest friend!"

Roxas glared holes at the immature nobody (I think it's his time of the month…), even though Axel was about 6 years his senior, his cerulean colored eyes possessing an icy quality to them. The spiky golden-haired nobody snorted and said, "Exactly. If I'm your 'bestest friend', tell me why you're so upset over a little friendly criticism?"

Axel sniffled. He looked back over to the much shorter blonde boy and wailed, "That's not what friends are supposed to do! They're supposed to lie to make the other feel better about themselves! Like that time I told you that new cloak didn't make you look fat—" Axel, in his haste to get words out, let one fact that he had been keeping from the newest member of Organization XIII for a considerably long time. He clapped his hands over his large, traitorous mouth.

Roxas's face became considerably redder than before and he looked down at what he was wearing, a.k.a. the aforementioned cloak. Number XIII snorted, and advanced on the now cowering pyro.

-3.7 minutes of senseless violence later….-

Axel, chakram rammed over his head, a key blade lodged here and there, lay bloodied, battered, and beaten senseless on the whitewashed floors (although they weren't so white any more) of the Castle That Never Was in the World That Never Was (very original title).

Roxas glared one last icy, blue-eyed glare at the damaged Axel strewn across the floor, and stormed off to his room, still red in the face, leaving Axel to call out, "But I love you anyway!"

Axel was in the infirmary (a.k.a. the kitchens) with a miffed Larxene tending to his scrapes, cuts, slices, bruises, abrasions, puncture wounds, the chakram rammed over his head, and various pieces of Axel that had not been separated from his person. The Savage Nymph muttered something in irritation.

Of course, there were many things to mutter about. The fact that she had to take care of Axel, man the kitchens, do Xemnas's bidding, put up with Marluxia in their newest conspiracy against the Organization, the universe in general… the list went on and on.

Number XII sighed, and worked on getting the chakram from around Axel's neck. Axel was uncharacteristically silent, save for the occasional grunt of pain. Larxene muttered something else, maybe something along the lines of 'Why the hell do _I _have to do this?' or 'I hate everyone.' She made one more futile attempt to set Axel's head free from his weapon of choice. She let out an aggravated sigh before killing the toaster with one of her many throwing knives just to let her frustration (or lack thereof? Can nobodies be frustrated?) out on something.

Or maybe just because it would aggravate the Superior. After all, she was always one to cut off her own nose to spite her face.

But in any respects, it made her feel a bit better, or as anyone without a heart could be.

"Dammit, Axel," she muttered to the silent pyro, "What did you do to make the kid so pissed at you?"

Axel just smiled a bit and said with faint amusement, "I told him my version of the Ugly Duckling."

Larxene just looked at Number VIII, stunned for a moment, before working on the chakram once again. She gave out a very un-ladylike snort and muttered, "Well that explains everything. Your sucky story-telling skills will make anyone want to wring your neck. Or shove a chakram over your head."

Before Axel was initially going to retort something along the lines of, 'that's not what happened,' he thought for a moment, and decided it was best not to get into an argument with Larxene in his current condition. He muttered, "Screw it; that might've been part of the problem anyway."

Larxene, hearing this, gave an approving nod, and replied, "Of course it was."

-**Owari**-

Well then. It was horrible, I know. Flame all you want. I was bored.

-Lurvs ya all.

**-Axolotl.**


End file.
